For the longest time, I've always considered myself a cynic, and I don't think I ever felt that it was wrong to be. It seemed to me that being cynical was merely being realistic about how everything and everyone is corrupted and sinful. Even our best is never good enough.
The strangest thing for me has been that as I'm trying to be more honest, the more I find myself expressing cynicism, usually about people's motives. I can assume the worst, and that's normal for me. Does being cynical really have a place in the heart of someone who follows Jesus Christ? I guess it doesn't.
It's easy to tell a million people on the internet how I feel, but it's difficult business when it's between people. In the last year or two, I feel like the effects of being cynical about people is taking a toll on how I interact with everyone, even my closest friends. I can say something accusatory without even trying to be. I keep feeling like if I am going to be completely honest, all you will hear is how I doubt the good in anyone. It's true right?
I'm breaking some silence only because I feel as if this is something that I wish wasn't such a deep and prevailing part of me, and I hope that whoever is reading won't end up falling into it either. I always hated the 'be a better you' and 'you are great' crap from some preachers, because I just knew it wasn't true. But in short, the more God is showing me about sanctification and how He works in his people- the less room there is for my brand of 'realism'.
To see things as they truly are; I see that everything is corrupt, and ultimately, in everything in and about myself. Any good I do or say is stained immeasurably with sin, and the older I get, the more I see that, the deeper I realize it is. My sin is increasingly obvious and I know now (and will know even more later) that I can do nothing at all. No amount of effort or self-confidence boosting can change that reality, can change the gravity of it.
It returns me to Jesus... who really reminds and represents the apex of human depravity. His life and execution proves that people do not in fact, have an ounce of goodness in themselves. That people would curse and hate God himself when he was with them, while he extended love and acceptance for them. For us. Jesus makes it resolutely clear that man does not have a righteous bone in his body.
That's the tension though. Jesus being our sacrifice is really the 'wisdom of God' himself. The whole plan exposes the reality that people are indeed corrupt to no end, but if it doesn't leave you in awe of the craziness of God's love, then you have missed the point. I'm saying that because I think I have missed the point.
I'm not saying that the 'feel-good' brand of preaching is correct, in fact I remain intensely against it, because it is a false, self-worshipping, therapeutic security. I am saying that cynicism can't take up any space when we are focused on Jesus, though. Am I remaining at the death of Christ, and forgetting that he conquered not just his physical execution, but the complete depravity and sinfulness of everyone? He is above it and is stronger than that. The realization stands true, but the truth of Jesus conquering that bottomless sin should be producing a different kind of expression from me. Joy? Definitely not cynicism. I keep finding myself stuck at that place, in anger and frustration that everyone along with myself would be so evil. But Jesus resurrecting…
What all apostles write about is the kindness and love shown to everyone. Grace is paramount because Christ demonstrated it fully. Commands to not gossip, judge and to backslide are soaked into every apostle's writings, and are expected to be evident in believers. Jesus himself continually demonstrated and taught to show kindness and unconditional love, and uncompromising truth. To be real with God and to come to him. The tension has always existed for me here, because while I knew that I needed to be characterized by these qualities, I rarely felt that sort of compassion or grace within me, even as I did 'ministry'- even with my closest friends. The tension between the truth of our depravity and the truth of Jesus being lived out through and in believers, evidenced by how they lived and how they loved.
Learning more about God's sovereignty, or how he knows all and is in control of all- I'm being shown that cynicism has no place in how I ought to view others. 'He himself will perfect you' is stated and restated throughout Isaiah ( the book I'm currently going through) and in the apostle's letters. When Jesus prayed that 'they would be one as we are one', he continues to intercede for us now. The fact that God alone is the 'author and perfecter' of our faith, that we can take no credit in how much we've grown in our relationship with Christ- shows that God has done it, and will perfect the faith of the believer until the end. His sovereignty.
There is no room for my cynicism when I see these things. When I think about how Jesus Christ paid completely the cost to 'bring many sons to glory', that tension still exists. The price is way too high for me to even begin imagining it. When I see the transformation in my life and in the lives of my friends, I can't be a cynic because if I am, my eyes are still focused on imperfect people, not the perfection of Jesus Christ. In some respect I could even be expressing that my sin is actually too heavy for Jesus! It's ridiculous, but that's the struggle. It's a strange self-deprecating/others-deprecating pride. I am falsely under the impression that my sin is too great, so when I see another's, my judgement is on them. It gives me some false security, a measuring stick if you will. Instead, the only measure should be Jesus Christ's perfection, perfectly conquering sin, his grace perfectly covering us. Meaning that when I see you or myself, I need to be remembering that Jesus himself is interceding for us, that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, that to the Father, because of Jesus Christ, we are blameless on the day of judgement; and the judgement that God himself gives- that is true justice. It blows my mind to think of how Jesus is the full demonstration of God's justice!
The issue is not so much whether I am assuming the worst in people or assuming the best in people. Instead, it is fully grace, fully loving, fully just… when I look at Jesus Christ. The fullness. If he himself really defines you and me, then both the cynic and optimist need to change the focus. When I see you, even if I feel wronged, am I seeing what Christ has done for and within you and me? Am I completely relying and believing in his complete perfection in justice, instead of creating my own measuring stick of justice? Jesus really is all. It is insane to me that he promises to perfect those who belong to him. How is that supposed to change the way I view sin? The way I encourage people?
I honestly do not know how that looks like in real life, in my life. And that's where a cynic with a blog post ends. Now to live that.
